Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
