Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
