I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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