If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
