tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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