While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
