Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell