getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize