I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
my god I love twenty year old dicks