i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird