i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe