they're staring at me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.