I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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