i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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