And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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