There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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