xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
