Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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