Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
