I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I fill condoms, not promises.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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