just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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