I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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