How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
