I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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