What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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