Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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