Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
