So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
