his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
