ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
