I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So much Jack, so little girl.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
