i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
