i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize