chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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