To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
