those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
