the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
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I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize