Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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