I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
