You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
