ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
