just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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