happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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