Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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