thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
