gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
