I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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