I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
