TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
