So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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