Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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