Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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