Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
