I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
