Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
