if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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