i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize