why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bring me that man meat
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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