three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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