How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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