i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
