she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
