Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
