everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
