we're chasing vodka with high fives
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You made out with two different species that night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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