when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
