Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
