...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
