I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
