I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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