Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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