So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
