peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
