dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
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She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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