he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
