i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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