I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
