the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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