Already got asked if we're dating
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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