My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need to calm my uterus...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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