She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
