I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
