I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
bring money and cleavage
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
