what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
