i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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