benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
