All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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