States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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