dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
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And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
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For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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